Scarlett Johansson Gets Married! (at least for now)

As I was trying to read the news, my eyes became distracted by a fantastic revelation from Hollywood: Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds get married! So?

Scarlett Johansson is probably one of the most boring young women in Hollywood. She is never seen out wasted, she has no children out of wedlock, she's never taken down a paparazzi, and she hasn't ever been married.... until now, that is. Ryan Reynolds isn't too interesting himself. He is never seen doing anything because he is simply not that cool.

It's a shame that celebrities without a black cloud of scandal over their heads are considered "boring" in today's world. As a celebrity-enthusiast, I thrive on the lunatic celebrities that are always doing something really, really dumb. It is difficult for me to appreciate someone who uses their talent for good. It is also hard for me to appreciate a married celebrity couple that didn't get paid millions by People Magazine to photograph the exchange of vows. Who do they think they are?

The good news is that the good gossip is just beginning for these two. I give it one year, maybe even two, before these two Hollywood bores get divorced. I'm sure it will be strategically staged around one of their upcoming films as some extra publicity, but it will happen, trust me. Marriages in Hollywood are a joke, everyone knows that! However, we also know that the best way to boost your C-List status (cough, cough, Ryan Reynolds, cough, cough) is to pretend to "love" one of the most talented actresses in Hollywood, cheat on her, and then go through a horrible divorce. I thought Scarlett was above the superficiality of Hollywood, but I guess she's just fallen head over heels in love..... YEAH RIGHT!

Clay Aiken is Gay! (nah... really?!)

Everyone, brace yourself for the latest development in Hollywood: Clay Aiken has officially come out of the closet and is indeed gay. I hate to break it to you, Clay, but we kind of already knew...

Clay Aiken... where do I begin? He was the scrawny runner-up to Ruben Studdard on American Idol Season Two... I've already run out of things to list in his repertoire. Oh, he also made a CD that obviously didn't do so hot on the charts on account that no one's ever heard of it!

People knew he was gay from day one. It was obvious. I'm not sure how to explain it but most people's instinct revealed the truth for him. The only time his sexuality came into question was when we found out he impregnated a woman because, well, no one thought that was possible. Then we found out he artificially impregnated a woman, reaffirming our original thoughts.

I think its pretty cool that Clay decided to father his best friend's child. No really, I do. He is obviously trying very hard to lead a normal life and to pass on his kindness and compassion to a son. I hope that by the time his son grows up we will be living in a world where his situation is accepted. It is difficult to grow up with a C-list father, let alone an F-list father! I mean, seriously! I hope the kid can take the pressure....

I do have one bit of advice for Clay Aiken and his burnt-out seven second stardom: cross over to country. Jessica Simpson made the crossover from pop to country and its really doing wonders for her reputation. Now she can act like herself and finally be accepted rather than just laughed at. Perhaps Clay should do the same since it does appear like country will take anyone and everyone they can get. Clay even has a son to talk about.... and maybe even a life-partner soon! If all else fails, there is always Broadway. Oh wait... he IS on Broadway! Looks like he is running out of options. At least he has a child now to play with.

Nick Hogan is Getting Out of Jail Early... Surprise, Surprise...

Well, well, well... According to People Magazine, Nick Hogan (born Nick Bollea) will be getting out of jail 3 MONTHS EARL Y thanks to his "good behavior" and "working." Am I surprised at this latest update? Of course not.

Lets face it: if I drank beer my wrestler father bought for me and drove my cool car into a pole, severely disabling my dear soldier friend, I would be locked up for good, not just for 8 months. Also, I would definitely not get out of jail 3 months early and believe me, I AM cute and innocent. What I don't have is a D-list celebrity father, an F-list celebrity sister, and lots of money thanks to VH1 reality shows. Needless to say, I would be screwed... locked up and forgotten about for good.

It must be nice to be famous and rich. Paris Hilton got out of jail, Nicole Richie got out of jail, and numerous celebrities are getting out of jail every single day. What is the world coming to?? Instead of focusing our efforts on keeping young urban children off the streets, maybe we should start a movement to get dangerous celebrities off the streets, especially the Florida highways. No one is safe these days thanks to the loonies set loose in Tinseltown.

I hope Hogan learned his lesson. I'm sure he didn't and will go back to drinking and driving, but one can only hope his 5 months in jail did him good. Hopefully his time in jail didn't break his spirit as his sister claimed... after all, actually serving a lawful time for a crime you really did commit is just plain mean!

Do Celebrities Ever Edit the Wikipedia Article about Themselves?

I recently read in Clay Shirky's book Here Comes Everybody that anyone and everyone (with a computer and the Internet) can edit and or create a new Wikipedia post. That may explain why most articles on Wikipedia regarding celebrities are way, WAY, too nice.

For example, take a look at the Wikipedia page on Miley Cyrus. Whatever genius wrote and edited this article talked a lot about her having a tutor on set with her at all times and much too little about all the time she spends with random guys taking naughty pictures of herself. It is obvious to me that Miley has edited her own Wikipedia page. Either that or Daddy dearest did it for her. The article only briefly mentions her scandalous photos that ironically circulated the internet at the most recent peak of her fame.... don't even get me started on that publicity campaign.

Wikipedia should have professionals writing about celebrities. Professionals that will not candy-coat all the stupid things celebrities are doing each and everyday and instead give people an honest look at the lives of the rich and famous. Until then, the world will have to settle for TMZ and other blogs such as mine... that is until Perez Hilton figures out how to edit a Wikipedia article.

Charlie Sheen will be a great dad to a son... just not a daughter?!

We all know Holland Taylor as Charlie Sheen's fictional mom on Two and a Half Men. What we didn't know is that she is obviously suffering from dementia. In a recent interview, Taylor said that Sheen will be a great dad to his unborn son and that audiences everywhere will see "another side of him."

Let's recap the sides we have seen of Charlie Sheen: 1) He is an abusive husband, 2) He commits adultery, 3) He is a notorious Hollywood womanizer, and 4) He is kind of a creeper...

The best part about Holland Taylor's comment is that she specifies that he will be a good father to his future son, failing to mention, or even consider the fact, that he has not one, not two, but THREE DAUGHTERS!! I guess the three daughters are out of luck when it comes to enjoying daughterhood with World's Best Dad, Charlie Sheen. Isn't that unfortunate! It's even more unfortunate to see that Taylor must have a case of dementia since she seems to be somewhat confused about Sheen's track-record when it comes to being a husband and a father. I guess she'll remember the wholesome, true side of Sheen when he tries to marry her...

Oh and did I mention his oldest daughter is 23, making her only 20 years younger than Sheen. Don't worry, he didn't cheat on her mother. I mean, there was no need seeing as they were NOT EVEN MARRIED and only LOVERS.

Moral of the story: Charlie Sheen is a bad father and an even worse husband. All we need is another creeper in this world... but at least his creeper son will be well cared for!

The Jonas Brothers Say they Hope to Marry a 14 Year Old Girl!

Why this even made celebrity news is beyond me, but according to People Magazine, the Jonas Brothers claim on their Myspace Q & A that they hope their spouses turn our to be their biggest fans.... So basically, they want to marry a 14 year old girl?!?!

Don't even get me started on the Jonas Brothers phenomenon. I dealt with Hanson in the 90's but this... this is much, much worse. It's great that the Jonas Brothers are all attractive young men, but if I were them I would keep the bragging to a minimum. Their fans range in age from 12 to 18 and I would like to assume most of these fans are girls and their mothers. I guess in that case the age range is 12-18 and 35-50 years old. All those fans and they can't even sing! (or drink)

The only thing that would make me think that the Jonas Brothers are cool would be if they got Miley Cyrus knocked up. Now that would be funny and worthy of celebrity news! Anything else about them I can learn about on the Disney Channel and from my 10 year old cousin. Until then, I would like to suggest that People Magazine be a little more selective about their stories. Also, I would like to suggest the Jonas Brothers to turn in their chastity rings... no one ever stayed famous with their clothes on...

Amy Winehouse Scheduled to Die Soon

Amy Winehouse is a sickly looking young woman, sickly being a kind way of describing her deathly image. Exactly how she is even alive, I do not know, but what I do know is that she is scheduled to die soon. No really... she is.

A recent post on London's Mirror, Amy Winehouse is thinner than ever and covered in various bruises and other discolorations of the body. Although her friends and family claim her to be sober, anyone with a brain can tell she is clearly unwell. (Of course, I would like to take a wild guess that most of her so-called "family and friends" are indeed brainless.)

The London Mirror also makes it a point to say that she was seen staggering into a pub and was booed after she arrived 2-hours late to a night gig in London.

The sad part is, it that unlike other troubled divas (such as Britney Spears) she is actually very talented. What a waste of great vocal chords.

Leave Kanye Alone!

It's one thing to grow up below the poverty level in the projects... it's another thing to be tortured day after day by paparazzi. Poor Kanye.

As many celebrity fanatics have already heard, Kanye West laid the smack down on a photographer at LAX, damaging a $10,000 camera. He was arrested on charges of vandalism. I have a few comments on the issue:

First of all: how did a dead-beat paparazzi get enough money to purchase a camera worth $10 grand?

Second: why are celebrity photos and gossip worth so much that some high school drop out drug dealer is getting any money at all, let alone an income that can pay for a $10,000 camera?

Third: why didn't Kanye's body guard take care of the altercation?

And fourth: who actually has the guts to arrest Kanye? We all saw him on Punked and boy is he frisky when it comes to the police....

Kanye West certainly got the bad end of this deal. Not only was he arrested, further confirming his almost-gangster rap/hip hop image, and locked up for all of 15 minutes, but according to political polls, McCain is gaining in on Obama for the lead. Poor Kanye... what a bad week!

Check out the video of Kanye West losing his cool here.

The Only People Who Want to Read Lynn Spears' New Book Cannot Even Read

We have all heard about the latest development in the Land of Britney: her mother has finally finished her masterpiece titled Through the Storm, releasing even more demeaning (and useless) information about her schizo-daughter, Britney. Way to mend your mother-daughter relationship, Lynn!

Lynn claims that Britney lost her virginity at the age of 14 even though Britney always claimed she lost it to Justin Timberlake when they were 20. Lynn also claims her beloved poster-child had in her posession cocaine, all before she could even drive a car. She also mentions how she *encouraged* her underage (and unwed) daughter to sleep with Justin Timberlake while they were "dating." Umm... okay...

So what type of mother actually screws up their child this badly and has the nerve to publish a novel about it? Does she not see that her daughter is already beyond repair? I mean, seriously, Lynn, Britney belongs in the loony house. When Kevin Federline is the most stable parent in your grandchildren's life, I think you have already done enough damage as a mother. If I were her, I would have severely questioned actually writing this book. Not only is it a horrible piece of literature but it is just plain stupid. If I wanted to reaffirm how well I was raised, I would just watch Ali Lohan's new reality show. A book, though, that's a bit much.

I actually feel bad for Britney Spears after reading more about this book, and trust me, that's saying a lot.

Check out People Magazine's article on Lynn Spears' book and her admittance to making "mistakes."