Saturday, December 6, 2008

Nothing is a bigger spectacle than discussing Obama's Inauguration Outfit...

Maybe its not celebrities that are crazy... maybe its the responsible adults (or so we think). Barack Obama recently discussed potential Inauguration tuxedos with People Magazine. Why, you may ask. Because everyone wants to looks good! Duh!

The funny thing is is that this is not just life as spectacle... this is our next President. Emphasis on PRESIDENT. Do I care if he is having trouble deciding between Gucci or Armani? NO! I would much rather hear about his cabinet choices, economic plan, and what kind of puppy he is getting his daughters... Clothing... that's secondary in importance.

It's difficult to study things like Society as Spectacle when there is no real distinction between the two. Media has altered everyone's reality in the U.S. and the world by not only showing us what "they" want us to see but framing it in a way it seems objective... It's scary.

Good luck, Obama, on your tuxedo choices. May the force be with you...

Miley Cyrus: You Are NOT that Cool!

Is Mikey Cyrus divorcing herself from her oh-so-beloved family??

The rumor that Hannah Montana is considering legal emancipation from her parents is, in the words of a Cyrus publicist responding to my inquiry, "completely false." Of course it is... they havn't started stealing from her yet...

However, if Miley Cyrus did want legal sundering from Billy Ray and What's Her Name—essentially freeing herself from her parents and achieving an early adulthood—the teen sensation would be the latest in a long line of famous child performers to do so. In fact there are plenty of names you probably know very well ...

Sorry, Miley... only the cool kids in town like Drew Barrymore divorce their parents.

2009 Grammy Awards have Been Announced... and Guess Who is Going to be Pissed!

The 2009 Grammy nominees were recently announced/ leaked online.... and guess who is NOT going to be happy: Kanye West. Kanye West only got 6 nominations, including Song of the Year for "American Boy" a song that didn't ever really get played on airwaves that much... Boy oh boy do the announcers of this years Grammy's have it coming to them id he doesn't win all six nominations!

Kanye West, as I have stated before, is a whiny celebrity. Nothing is ever just right for him and he seems to find trouble no matter where he is or what he is doing. Lame. You would think that overtime he would grow to understand that you don't alwys get your way and that sometimes, you lose because other people are better. Kanye West just doesn't seem to get it.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Katie Holmes: You May Not be a Wallflower, but you're still Weird!


Oh beautiful, innocent, gentle Katie Holmes, where has your sanity gone? In a recent interview with Time Magazine, Katie Holmes fights back at the rumors that she's become a wallflower... The funny thing is, this is definitely not the same rumors I've been hearing about her since her whirlwind relationship, pregnancy, and marriage to Tom Cruise. You see, as a celebrity gossip blogger I couldn't care less about how outgoing she is... I'm more concerned that Katie Holmes has turned into another Scientologist Hollywood freak that is less concerned with being human and more concerned with please some made-up alien by a science fiction writer (emphasis on fiction). The rumors I heard involved her being brainwashed by psycho-esque Tom Cruise and forced to undergo strange things like child birth with no drugs or sounds. Granted, all religion is a cult to some extent but if you ask me, Scientologists take the world cult to a whole new level. Everyone (friends, family, fans, etc...) noticed Katie's (or "Kate's") transformation after her pop-marriage to Tom Cruise. She used to be so gentle and innocent, playing cute roles like Joey on Dawson's Creek. Then suddenly she chopped off her hair, got knocked up by her childhood crush, and denounced her catholic family. Sound a bit weird, to you too, doesn't it? But Katie assures us she's not a wallflower like we think she is so to not worry... she is happy and okay... but that was never our concern... duh?? Maybe I missed something or maybe she truly is brainwashed....

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Twilight has destroyed all Hope for Love (unless you find a Vampire that wants to eat you)


Beyond doing a horrible job portraying Stephenie Meyer's bestselling novel, Twilight (the film) reminds teenage girls around the world that their only hope for love.... is finding a vampire. And not just any vampire, but a vampire who loves your scent so much he was to suck your blood. Sounds flattering, doesn't it!


What is it with young people and vampires? Is it really that attractive to have some guy with really pale and cold skin that likes to hunt humans want to be with you? Is it the erotic nature of the vampire sucking the blood out of the neck or thigh? Or is it the tabooness of the vampire love that attracks women to vampires? Whatever it is, it is ridiculous not to mention unhealthy. Its hard enough to find a date, let alone a vampire. What is Hollywood teaching kids these days?!?


My advice to teenage girls is the following:

#1: vampire or no vampire, if you see Robert Pattinson walking down the street, do whatever it takes to woo him. Vampire or no vampire he is hot and well worth getting eaten alive.

#2: beware of who people really are... look at all the signs... and I'm not talking about signs he's cheating.

#3: if your guy tries to bite you... you may want to confront him. Let him know that if he's a vampire, its cool, you just need to know in advance. Duh.

#4: if you find out your guy is human, run like the wind.. Not only is he worthless but he won't be romantic, he wont protect you, and he will more than likely leave you anyway.


Great prospects, huh!


Until then, watch Twilight over and over again and go on a vampire hunt for your one true love!


KFed Tells His "Story" to People Magazine... and guess what... still, no one cares


In a recent "exclusive" interview with People Magazine (so exclusive it didn't even make print, only online publication) Kfed unleashed some of the dirty details about his former marriage with Britney Spears and his two sons with her. Some of the great details include:
- he remembers when he first met Britney in a club
- the happiest part of their marriage was getting married (??)
- having several kids by two baby mommas troubled his marriage with Britney
- he didn't ask for custody of his two sons with Britney for money only
- he is "rooting" for Britney
- he is happy his kids get to now see Britney

So basically we can draw the conclusion that KFed was not the gold digger we all assumed he was. Instead, he is an attention-whore that turned this God-awful situation into a media stunt to make him look like a king. If he really cared about those two kids, you would probably be holding a People Magazine cover of him with them as you read this because THAT would defiantly be cover-worthy footage. His image as a trailer-trash bad boy has changed drastically since Britney when loony and they divorced. Now he is a suave, clean-cut, romantic looking father figure that appears to be the responsible (and rich) adult. I would have had more respect for him if he would have just taken her money and run. At least then he wouldn't be a poser, pretending he actually loved Britney Spears as a person and not as a very wealthy sex-symbol.

Sorry, KFed. Not only does no one believe this goody-good image you are fronting in true, but we also simply don't give a damn about what you have to say. I'd rather listen to crazy Britney talk, at least she's down with being nuts and doesn't try to fake sanity.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Attention Celebrities: I dare you to name your child Bob!


Dear celebrity parents,

Why do you all feel the need to name your children outlandish names. Do you not realize these kids have to keep these lives until they are at least 18 years old if not forever? Do you not understand that normal people do not want to go by "Apple" or "Bronx" for the rest of their lives? Do you not understand that there are still plenty of unique yet normal names out there?

Recently, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz finally gave birth to her son with husband and Fallout Boy bassist Pete Wentz. Did they name their child something normal like Bob? No. They named him Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Yes, Mowgli as in the Jungle Book boy and Bronx as in NYC. They poor child has a long life to live.

Grantedm baby Bronx was born to two very rich young parents. Isn't that punishment enough... having Ashlee Simpson as your mother?? Obviously not, on account that the kids name is only going to harass his life even more. I feel bad for celebrity babies. Not only do they never really get to spend time with their parents (that's what full-time nannies are for!) but they are stalked by the paparzzi and are given horrid names they must answer to for the rest of their lives! It must be retched growing up in Hollywood. At least they don't have to worry about someone with the same name ever being in their class...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Spencer and Heidi get Married (divorce bets anyone??)


Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montage of MTV's The Hills finally tied the knot. According to reports, the infamous duo eloped in Mexico on November 20. I give it 6 months tops.

Heidi and Spencer are without a doubt the most annoying couple in Hollywood. They are classless and ignorant not to mention very un-funny and disturbing. Spencer attempts to manage Heidi's nonexistent career as he tries to manipulate the overly-loved Lauren Conrad. Also, he is just down right ugly. Please shave, Spencer.

We have all witnessed their up and down relationship that would switch from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. What we are witnessing now is just one more step closer to divorce. After all, it is not cool in Hollywood to remain wed and Heidi and Spencer need all the help with being cool they can get.

Benji Madden Says Goodbye to Paris But Paris is Still in Love... awww shucks!


Poor Paris. She just can't seem to find her knight in shining armor because last week her and Benji Madden split up after one of the most romantic relationships in Hollywood.... except not really....

Benji Madden and Paris Hilton's relationship was a total joke, as are all of her so-called "relationships." She's a fake girl so I guess its only suiting for her to be fake in love with her fake boyfriends. Not to mention, the fact that Benji's career is pretty much non-existent didn't help his cause either.

Paris Hilton has to be the most aggravating person in Hollywood. She can't act, she can't sing, and she's a terrible role model for all the preteens that look up to her and her delinquent younger sister. The ironic part about Paris is that for some reason she is every where. Every magazine you pick up features her on at least one page. Lame. It must be nice to come from a billionaire family and have everything in life given to you, including fame and pseudo-love. Her love life might be fake but at least her money is real. I guess money can't buy love after all...

Monday, November 17, 2008

Joe Jonas DIDN'T Cheat on Taylor Swift, They Just Had Issues, That's All


Calm down Joe Jonas, no one ever said you cheated on the hottest female country artist. People were more concerned with the fact that you broke up with her during a "27 second phone call." C'mon Joe Jonas... couldn't you have at least spared Taylor Swift 60 of those precious seconds of your life? It's not like your career is going anywhere or you are really doing anything...




On the popular Myspace page of the 19 year old superstar from the group, The Jonas Brothers, he abruptly assured fans that he did not (I repeat, DID NOT) cheat on Taylor Swift. He instead says that they had issues that "led to a change of heart." So basically this translates to "Taylor, I found another girl who is almost as hot as you and much less innocent. K bye."




Clearly the "issues" they had had to do with his latest fling Camilla Belle... Is it just me or did this relationship progress very quickly after his breakup with Swift. Something fishy definitely went on between the two of them prior to the Swift-Jonas split and if it wasn't "cheating" it was obviously something close and just as bad.




Why would any guy break up with the #1 female country artists over the phone, let along a call lasting no longer than 27 seconds. Are you that lame, Joe Jonas? Do you not understand that her career could have saved yours (and your brother's) in 2 years when you are nothing because your fans are now of age? Seriously, you should have talked through these issues you speak of rather than completely pushing them under the rug. Interesting thought process, Joe Jonas... now you're career is in a slump while this breakup is currently making the ex-girlfriend millions. Congrats!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Kanye West gets it Handed to Him (and this time not by a photographer!)


If you are reading this blog and you enjoy it, you also need to check out wwtdd.com. This blog is not only hilarious and very scandalous, but it offers a whole new way of intereting the world of celebrities. For example, Thursday's blog on Kanye West being a cry baby is absolutely priceless, not to mention true. Kanye West says nothing about a lot even tho to him he is saying a lot about really important things... like how he should have won every single VMA this year.... (right.)


Excuse the crude humor and the harsh language used at wwtdd.com. The writer is simply telling it how it is and leaving nothing behind. I admire this kind of amateur journalism because at least his bias towards celebrities is acceptable.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Mariah Carey in "Santa Lingerie:" The Gift the Keeps on Giving (That's what She Said)


Isn't Mariah Carey like 40 years old?! Obviously she is not THAT old... she is married to Nick Cannon, who by the way is only 28 years old, and apparently for Christmas she likes to dress in "Santa Lingerie" and strip for her husband(s). Talk about the gift that keeps on giving... i guess?


This is just bizarre to me. I mean, last time I checked Christmas was a religious holiday and Cannon's father is a retired televangelist so he should know better. Mariah Carey's sanity has been questioned before so this passion for nakedness on the birth of Jesus doesn't really surprise me. However, it is still a little off the wall if you ask me. The most disturbing part of this Carey-Cannon pseudo-tradition is the fact that Mariah claims her and her girlfriends wear red bikinis, rolls around in show together, and then get in a hot tub. Wow. That really is a gift that keeps on giving not to mention a really really weird way of saying Happy Holidays to your neighbors.

Angelina Claims She is Going to Quit Acting!


Angelina Jolie recently said in a People Magazine interview that she plans on quitting her career as an actress in the near future. This is probably smart seeing as she has six kids.


I am starting to care less and less about Angelina Jolie each day. She gets weirder each day not to mention her family seems to grow each day. Her last movie, WANTED was terrible and her relationship with Brad Pitt is just bizarre.... (get married already?!)


Now, the creepiest part about this interview was when she said she wants to settle down and get ready for grand kids. Um, okay.... Her oldest child is like six years old so why in the world would grand kids even be on her mind. She just had twins so maybe she should focus on raising them and the four other Jolie-Pitt children, but that's just my own commonsense take on the issue. Like I said, she is a weird person and this only further proves my claim.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Lindsay Lohan is NOT a Lesbian... She's Just Dating a Girl... duh?


Fox news has out done their leadership in journalism with their new online story about Lindsay Lohan's love for Samantha Ronson. Did we mention this is NOT homosexual love...


Ronson and Lohan have been seen cuddling, kissing, touching, and doing very loving things together for almost a year yet neither has come out of the closest and officially announced their relationship to the rest of the world. Until now... sort of.

In an interview with Fox News, Lindsay Lohan says that it is "obvious who she is seeing" and that she is not a lesbian but may be a bisexual. She's not a fan of labels, as she claimed, not to mention I'm sure her head is still clouded from the years of alcohol and cocaine abuse. Regardless, the truth came out, sort of, that her and Samantha Ronson are officially an item, just not a lesbian item. No offense, but I am pretty confident that Ronson is gay. That is assuming she really is a female. (I find her looks rather deceiving, myself) Now, if I were gay and taking Lindsay Lohan out on a bunch of hot dates, I would probably want her to be gay too... or at least admit to being bisexual. I wonder how Samantha feels about the whole "I don't like labels" comment? Is it really that embarrassing to admit you like girls after you've been photographed throwing up in the back of a Navigator, cracked out on drugs in the passenger seat of your friend's car, smoking pot inside a club, drinking underage, wrecking your brand new Mercedes while under the influence of God only knows, and without any panties? Hmmm.... I guess so.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Nope, Sorry, Britney Spears will NOT be the Virgin Mary in an Upcoming Film


In Guy Debord's Society as Spectacle, he defines "spectacle" as "the principle of commodity fetishism, the domination of society by "intangible as well as tangible things," which reaches its absolute fulfillment in the spectacle, where the tangible world is replaced by a selection of images which exist above it, and which simultaneously impose themselves as the tangible par excellence" (2.36). Clearly this is seen all over Hollywood, unfortunately.


Rumor of the streets is that Britney Spears has turned down the role of VIRGIN MARY in an upcoming film.... Could this possibly be the smartest thing Spears has done in awhile? I think so.


Apparently, an indie film is in the works called, "Sweet Baby Jesus," and producer Amy Redford thought Spears would be an excellent Virgin Mary. (It's a satire if you didn't already figure that out) Regardless, satire or no satire, who in the world would want to watch Spears play a role in ANY movie. Did no one ever see Crossroads in 2002.... it starred her BEFORE she went loony and guess what, it still sucked. As a matter of fact, I think it is safe to say that Redford only wanted Spears in the movie to add to the fictionalized, over-the-top spectacle of the movie. Controversy and drama seems to follow Britney Spears not just in Hollywood but at her handful of other homes as well. What better way to satirize and destroy religion than putting her as the Virgin Mary?!


I, personally, feel like more controversy would be created if a porn star were cast in the role because people are just getting sick of Britney Spears and her unusual life. Spears has a aura about her of weirdness and insanity that is commodified by her unusual appearances and new songs. She herself has become an even bigger commodity to gossip magazines as her life story is a sure sell. However, seeing her making fun of the Virgin Mary seems too much to me. Would she even understand the whole satire part of the film or would she actually try to immerse herself in the actual role of the Virgin Mary? Who knows, but rest assure this movie will do a whole lot better, and create a much bigger spectacle and stir without her name attached to the film in any way.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

T.I. is Getting Locked Up in Prison for 1 Year.... Can They Even Do That?!


Yup... you heard it, and unfortunately I am NOT making this up. T.I. (a.k.a Clifford Harris Jr.) was busted by undercover cops outside a downtown Atlanta store for attempting to buy machine guns and silencers. Did I mention this went down just FOUR HOURS before the BET award show T.I. was scheduled to attend and potentially receive NINE AWARDS?? Granted this run down with the cops took place last year but the fun has only begun for T.I: he now has to serve ONE YEAR in prison. Granted this isn't that long for someone who calls himself a "thug" and a "gangsta" but still... one year when you have the Billboard #2 and #3 song is quite the ruthless punishment. Can they even do this to him??

CNN conducted a great interview with Clifford Harris Jr. that is an epitome of journalism genius. Check out excepts from the interview transcript below, courtesy of CNN.com:

CNN: When I first heard about the charges, I said, "You have got to be kidding. WHY?"

T.I.: Well, in order to fully understand the answer to that question, you will have to put yourself in my shoes. You know how many attempts have been made against my life? There are people out there that would rather kill you than to tell you "Good luck" or "I am happy for you." So until you understand that, you wouldn't understand my train of thought.

Not to say it was right. It's just my best explanation.

CNN: What scares you?

T.I.: Federal court dates. (Laughs)

CNN: Are you scared about going to jail for a year?

T.I.: I wouldn't describe it as fear. I would describe it more as concerned. Concerned, and I am a little anxious. Sooner I get started, sooner I get finished.

CNN: What do you think is the biggest misconception is about you?

T.I.: The biggest misconception is that I am a hotheaded thug. Ignorant, cold-hearted, just another ignorant rapper who had a chance at success and has done nothing but horrible things with it. Nothing can be further from the truth.

CNN: You can't vote because you're a convicted felon.

T.I.: As far as I know, that is the case.

CNN: How much does that hurt? Is there a candidate you want to support?

T.I.: Well, man, it isn't necessarily about a candidate that I want to support. I feel like I owe that to my kids, my little cousins, everybody in the generation under me, to try to make this world a better place, this nation a better place. I am not going to focus on what I can't do. I am going to focus on what I CAN do.

CNN: How many kids do you have now?

T.I.: Six.

CNN: Six?! How many kids do you want?

T.I.: I'll have as many as the Lord blesses me with. So be it, as long as I have enough money to take care of them. I don't ever want to have kids who don't know their brothers and sisters. I want them all to grow up together, knowing each other, living together. I don't ever want to have some secret children.

CNN: That's very Bob Marley of you.

T.I.: (Laughs)

CNN: Do you think there's been a price to pay for your success?

T.I.: Absolutely. Absolutely. There has definitely been a price to pay. So far, it has cost me my best friend [T.I.'s 26-year-old personal assistant, Philant Johnson, was killed in a freeway shooting after a 2006 concert in Cincinnati], it has cost me time in jail, it has cost me time away from my family. I have missed four birthdays, two first days of school, four football games and a few more other things. Important outings that I would have liked to be home for.

But I mean -- I'm not going to complain about it, you know what I'm saying? I prayed for this for so long, and now I got it, you know? So I am going to maintain my position.

End

Ok, so I have a few comments (as usual, I know):

First of all, NO ONE IS TRYING TO KILL YOU, T.I. Yes, you are a fantastic rapper with clever beats and thuggish lyrics BUT you are no Tupac or Biggie.... sorry. Now they, on the other hand, did have people out to kill them and it just so happened it was the other one... (and Suge Knight and LAPD... now they had a reason to carry a machine gun...)

Secondly, if I were you, I would take those federal court dates you're scared of more seriously because there is a slightly good chance you will only serve like a day in prison like all the other celebrities. I would also be a little more scared of you mom and your career.... oh wait, being a "thug" this will help your career. Must be nice.

Thirdly, there is no "as far as I know..." when it comes to you voting status. You can't vote, get over it, stop committing felonies. Also, would you have really voted anyway? It seems difficult to do whatever you like when you have to get up and vote on Nov. 4.

Fourthly, why do you have six kids???? I mean, seriously, why? And I have to ask, how many mothers do these six kids have? After all, you are not married.

And finally, to the CNN interviewer... please go back to journalism school. Your comments are bizarre and way to friendly and normal for a celebrity as high class as T.I. Plus, there were more important questions to ask such as, how long do you lawyers tell you you will actually spend in prison, how well is your prison cell furnished, who will you pop bottles with in prison, and exactly what is a "paper chaser?" These answers we may never know... or at least not for another year.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Brad Pitt 'Convinces' Angelina to get Knocked Up! (um okay...?)

News on the street is that Angelina Jolie didn't really want to get knocked up with twins.... it was baby daddy Brad Pitt that convinced her to have more babies! Why do I find this piece of gossip fishy.... well I dunno, maybe the fact that Angelina adopts babies like they're going out of style so why WOULDN'T she want to have more? Oh that's right... because her and Brad's biological children aren't Asian! I mean, duh!

There is something almost creepy with Brad Pitt and his obsession with getting girlfriends/wives knocked up. After all, that was what broke up the beloved Jennifer Aniston- Brad Pitt marriage: she did not want kids and he did so he cheated on her instead (if you didn't already know, that's the Hollywood version of telling your significant other you are mad at them...). Also, he seems creepily attached to Angelina's adopted children... even before baby Shiloh. Weird.

Don't get me wrong. I have no evidence to believe that Brad Pitt is a poor father of these children. He appears to be passionate about parenting and even passionate about his "partnership" with Angelina Jolie. Evidently, however, passionate" and "commitment" are two very different things. I mean, what exactly is the point of marriage when you already have three kids together? Money will give these kids a stable family... not a nuclear family. Perhaps the rest of the world has got it wrong all this time...

Friday, October 10, 2008

Awww... Nicole Richie Feeds her Daughter... Just Not Herself


Congratulations to Nicole Richie! Apparently, she has learned to become more domesticated thanks to motherhood. Isn't that just charming!

According to a People Magazine article, Nicole Richie has been "domesticated" thanks to her baby Harlow and her pseudo-responsibility as a mother. She told People Magazine a few years ago that she doesn't cook or clean (obviously.... I mean she weighed like 80 pounds!) but now she is changing her act by making homemade baby food for her daughter Harlow! Now if only she could learn to feed herself....

Nicole Richie is probably one of the dumbest people in Hollywood and the fact that Joel Madden actually had a baby with her says very little for his own intelligence. She is talentless, she has bad style, and she's just lame and only a celebrity thanks to her daddy dearest, Lionel Richie. When you are selling information about how domesticated you are after having a child, you KNOW your career is in a slump. Unfortunately for Richie, her life is all one big slump. She can't get any good roles in Hollywood and she apparently struggled to find a decent man. Madden is in the same status, though. His band Good Charlotte can't make another consistent Top 40 hit to save their lives, not to mention the whole sort of-punk sort of-not genre has really plummeted in the last few years. I hope he has saved his money because its doubtful he is making any right now!

At least Nicole can puree veggies and fruit for him. He may lose a lot of weight as she is constantly doing but he won't quite starve. It's the baby I'm worried about.... does she have enough sense to know that the baby needs to eat all the time and not just once every other day? Furthermore, does she realize that most identifying "domesticated" women do not go out and party frequently, leaving their child with their personal assistant? She clearly needs to read up on this role because motherhood is one role she can't just turn down!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Britney Spears Releases New Scandelous Music Video!


I just want to throw it out there: I love Britney Spears. She is talentless, a horrible mother, and a little bit on the crazy side. However, despite her numerous flaws, one thing is certain: I can always count on her for celebrity gossip!

Britney's new video for her single, "Womanizer," includes several scandalous costume changes including her giving a corporate worker a lap dance, her waiting tables looking like a dominatrix, and her in sexy lingerie. Could you be any more consistent than that?! All of her music videos include these various fashion characterizations, making her one of the worst dressed, yet brilliantly consistent performers in Hollywood. I'm sure KFed is sad he let that one go.

On the other hand, another strange development in the world of Britney is the fact that she was actually looking kind of normal. She has a full head of hair, she has lost some of the Cheetos and Coke weight, and she is wearing a non-psychotic smile! I guess several nights in the UCLA Psych ward did her good! After all, Britney has a lot to be happy about: her mother's tell-all book is about to be released, her 16 year old sister's baby is a happy and healthy 2-month old, and reportedly she has a sex tape leaked on the internet... Life just can't get any better. We don't see KFed getting any attention... he is staying at home with their two sons... at least I hope someone is...




Sunday, October 5, 2008

Locklear gets Locked Up and David Spade Sort of Cares...


Hollywood is all about the good, the bad, and the ugly... in this case it is all just ugly and a little bit bad, too. Last week, former Hollywood sweetheart and good girl Heather Locklear was arrested for DUI.


(For any celebrities reading this blog, DUI means "Driving Under Influence" and it's very very bad and dangerous. You receive this charge when you drink and drive... so hire a driver, please. Sentences for DUI can last up to 4 hours so beware...)


Anyways, I find myself disturbed by this new criminal development. Granted, Locklear is not the most widely followed celebrity, but she is at least semi-talented. She has been nominated for 6 Golden Globe awards and has quite the resume with roles in television shows like Melrose Place, Spin City, Rules of Engagement, and the all-too-famous Hannah Montana. She has also been in films such as Uptown Girls and Sydney White. She never rose to the top of the A-list but she never really dropped to the lower lists, either. It's really a shame that she had to go and drive drunk... it's even worse that we now know she is more than likely running low on the cash since she obviously did not have a driver. Tisk, tisk... We all should of seen this coming when she entered a treatment facility for depression in July. One thing leads to another.


Another great part to this celebrity downfall is the fact that People Magazine wrote an article about how Locklear's old beau, David Spade, cared so deeply about her DUI crisis that he texted her to make sure she is okay.... really? You care enough about her to TEXT her? Why not visit her or call her or even e-mail her for goodness sake. Texting says one thing: "I want to make sure you're okay but you are not worth the time or energy to call." Spade, of course added in this short interview that things were "blown out of proportion" as she is "solid and always a great person." I guess she is just not "solid" enough to call or visit, whatever that means.


I honestly hope Heather Locklear finds whatever she is looking for in life, as long as that something isn't a beer or some liquor. She clearly doesn't need to be drinking anytime soon, but I'm sure she will be treated soon for alcoholism and other ailments. There is always hope in Hollywood and it's called REHAB!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Scarlett Johansson Gets Married! (at least for now)


As I was trying to read the news, my eyes became distracted by a fantastic revelation from Hollywood: Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds get married! So?


Scarlett Johansson is probably one of the most boring young women in Hollywood. She is never seen out wasted, she has no children out of wedlock, she's never taken down a paparazzi, and she hasn't ever been married.... until now, that is. Ryan Reynolds isn't too interesting himself. He is never seen doing anything because he is simply not that cool.


It's a shame that celebrities without a black cloud of scandal over their heads are considered "boring" in today's world. As a celebrity-enthusiast, I thrive on the lunatic celebrities that are always doing something really, really dumb. It is difficult for me to appreciate someone who uses their talent for good. It is also hard for me to appreciate a married celebrity couple that didn't get paid millions by People Magazine to photograph the exchange of vows. Who do they think they are?


The good news is that the good gossip is just beginning for these two. I give it one year, maybe even two, before these two Hollywood bores get divorced. I'm sure it will be strategically staged around one of their upcoming films as some extra publicity, but it will happen, trust me. Marriages in Hollywood are a joke, everyone knows that! However, we also know that the best way to boost your C-List status (cough, cough, Ryan Reynolds, cough, cough) is to pretend to "love" one of the most talented actresses in Hollywood, cheat on her, and then go through a horrible divorce. I thought Scarlett was above the superficiality of Hollywood, but I guess she's just fallen head over heels in love..... YEAH RIGHT!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Clay Aiken is Gay! (nah... really?!)


Everyone, brace yourself for the latest development in Hollywood: Clay Aiken has officially come out of the closet and is indeed gay. I hate to break it to you, Clay, but we kind of already knew...


Clay Aiken... where do I begin? He was the scrawny runner-up to Ruben Studdard on American Idol Season Two... I've already run out of things to list in his repertoire. Oh, he also made a CD that obviously didn't do so hot on the charts on account that no one's ever heard of it!


People knew he was gay from day one. It was obvious. I'm not sure how to explain it but most people's instinct revealed the truth for him. The only time his sexuality came into question was when we found out he impregnated a woman because, well, no one thought that was possible. Then we found out he artificially impregnated a woman, reaffirming our original thoughts.


I think its pretty cool that Clay decided to father his best friend's child. No really, I do. He is obviously trying very hard to lead a normal life and to pass on his kindness and compassion to a son. I hope that by the time his son grows up we will be living in a world where his situation is accepted. It is difficult to grow up with a C-list father, let alone an F-list father! I mean, seriously! I hope the kid can take the pressure....


I do have one bit of advice for Clay Aiken and his burnt-out seven second stardom: cross over to country. Jessica Simpson made the crossover from pop to country and its really doing wonders for her reputation. Now she can act like herself and finally be accepted rather than just laughed at. Perhaps Clay should do the same since it does appear like country will take anyone and everyone they can get. Clay even has a son to talk about.... and maybe even a life-partner soon! If all else fails, there is always Broadway. Oh wait... he IS on Broadway! Looks like he is running out of options. At least he has a child now to play with.

Nick Hogan is Getting Out of Jail Early... Surprise, Surprise...


Well, well, well... According to People Magazine, Nick Hogan (born Nick Bollea) will be getting out of jail 3 MONTHS EARL Y thanks to his "good behavior" and "working." Am I surprised at this latest update? Of course not.


Lets face it: if I drank beer my wrestler father bought for me and drove my cool car into a pole, severely disabling my dear soldier friend, I would be locked up for good, not just for 8 months. Also, I would definitely not get out of jail 3 months early and believe me, I AM cute and innocent. What I don't have is a D-list celebrity father, an F-list celebrity sister, and lots of money thanks to VH1 reality shows. Needless to say, I would be screwed... locked up and forgotten about for good.


It must be nice to be famous and rich. Paris Hilton got out of jail, Nicole Richie got out of jail, and numerous celebrities are getting out of jail every single day. What is the world coming to?? Instead of focusing our efforts on keeping young urban children off the streets, maybe we should start a movement to get dangerous celebrities off the streets, especially the Florida highways. No one is safe these days thanks to the loonies set loose in Tinseltown.


I hope Hogan learned his lesson. I'm sure he didn't and will go back to drinking and driving, but one can only hope his 5 months in jail did him good. Hopefully his time in jail didn't break his spirit as his sister claimed... after all, actually serving a lawful time for a crime you really did commit is just plain mean!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Do Celebrities Ever Edit the Wikipedia Article about Themselves?


I recently read in Clay Shirky's book Here Comes Everybody that anyone and everyone (with a computer and the Internet) can edit and or create a new Wikipedia post. That may explain why most articles on Wikipedia regarding celebrities are way, WAY, too nice.

For example, take a look at the Wikipedia page on Miley Cyrus. Whatever genius wrote and edited this article talked a lot about her having a tutor on set with her at all times and much too little about all the time she spends with random guys taking naughty pictures of herself. It is obvious to me that Miley has edited her own Wikipedia page. Either that or Daddy dearest did it for her. The article only briefly mentions her scandalous photos that ironically circulated the internet at the most recent peak of her fame.... don't even get me started on that publicity campaign.

Wikipedia should have professionals writing about celebrities. Professionals that will not candy-coat all the stupid things celebrities are doing each and everyday and instead give people an honest look at the lives of the rich and famous. Until then, the world will have to settle for TMZ and other blogs such as mine... that is until Perez Hilton figures out how to edit a Wikipedia article.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Charlie Sheen will be a great dad to a son... just not a daughter?!


We all know Holland Taylor as Charlie Sheen's fictional mom on Two and a Half Men. What we didn't know is that she is obviously suffering from dementia. In a recent interview, Taylor said that Sheen will be a great dad to his unborn son and that audiences everywhere will see "another side of him."


Let's recap the sides we have seen of Charlie Sheen: 1) He is an abusive husband, 2) He commits adultery, 3) He is a notorious Hollywood womanizer, and 4) He is kind of a creeper...


The best part about Holland Taylor's comment is that she specifies that he will be a good father to his future son, failing to mention, or even consider the fact, that he has not one, not two, but THREE DAUGHTERS!! I guess the three daughters are out of luck when it comes to enjoying daughterhood with World's Best Dad, Charlie Sheen. Isn't that unfortunate! It's even more unfortunate to see that Taylor must have a case of dementia since she seems to be somewhat confused about Sheen's track-record when it comes to being a husband and a father. I guess she'll remember the wholesome, true side of Sheen when he tries to marry her...


Oh and did I mention his oldest daughter is 23, making her only 20 years younger than Sheen. Don't worry, he didn't cheat on her mother. I mean, there was no need seeing as they were NOT EVEN MARRIED and only LOVERS.


Moral of the story: Charlie Sheen is a bad father and an even worse husband. All we need is another creeper in this world... but at least his creeper son will be well cared for!



Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Jonas Brothers Say they Hope to Marry a 14 Year Old Girl!


Why this even made celebrity news is beyond me, but according to People Magazine, the Jonas Brothers claim on their Myspace Q & A that they hope their spouses turn our to be their biggest fans.... So basically, they want to marry a 14 year old girl?!?!


Don't even get me started on the Jonas Brothers phenomenon. I dealt with Hanson in the 90's but this... this is much, much worse. It's great that the Jonas Brothers are all attractive young men, but if I were them I would keep the bragging to a minimum. Their fans range in age from 12 to 18 and I would like to assume most of these fans are girls and their mothers. I guess in that case the age range is 12-18 and 35-50 years old. All those fans and they can't even sing! (or drink)


The only thing that would make me think that the Jonas Brothers are cool would be if they got Miley Cyrus knocked up. Now that would be funny and worthy of celebrity news! Anything else about them I can learn about on the Disney Channel and from my 10 year old cousin. Until then, I would like to suggest that People Magazine be a little more selective about their stories. Also, I would like to suggest the Jonas Brothers to turn in their chastity rings... no one ever stayed famous with their clothes on...


Friday, September 12, 2008

Amy Winehouse Scheduled to Die Soon


Amy Winehouse is a sickly looking young woman, sickly being a kind way of describing her deathly image. Exactly how she is even alive, I do not know, but what I do know is that she is scheduled to die soon. No really... she is.


A recent post on London's Mirror, Amy Winehouse is thinner than ever and covered in various bruises and other discolorations of the body. Although her friends and family claim her to be sober, anyone with a brain can tell she is clearly unwell. (Of course, I would like to take a wild guess that most of her so-called "family and friends" are indeed brainless.)


The London Mirror also makes it a point to say that she was seen staggering into a pub and was booed after she arrived 2-hours late to a night gig in London.


The sad part is, it that unlike other troubled divas (such as Britney Spears) she is actually very talented. What a waste of great vocal chords.

Leave Kanye Alone!


It's one thing to grow up below the poverty level in the projects... it's another thing to be tortured day after day by paparazzi. Poor Kanye.


As many celebrity fanatics have already heard, Kanye West laid the smack down on a photographer at LAX, damaging a $10,000 camera. He was arrested on charges of vandalism. I have a few comments on the issue:


First of all: how did a dead-beat paparazzi get enough money to purchase a camera worth $10 grand?


Second: why are celebrity photos and gossip worth so much that some high school drop out drug dealer is getting any money at all, let alone an income that can pay for a $10,000 camera?


Third: why didn't Kanye's body guard take care of the altercation?


And fourth: who actually has the guts to arrest Kanye? We all saw him on Punked and boy is he frisky when it comes to the police....


Kanye West certainly got the bad end of this deal. Not only was he arrested, further confirming his almost-gangster rap/hip hop image, and locked up for all of 15 minutes, but according to political polls, McCain is gaining in on Obama for the lead. Poor Kanye... what a bad week!


Check out the video of Kanye West losing his cool here.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Only People Who Want to Read Lynn Spears' New Book Cannot Even Read


We have all heard about the latest development in the Land of Britney: her mother has finally finished her masterpiece titled Through the Storm, releasing even more demeaning (and useless) information about her schizo-daughter, Britney. Way to mend your mother-daughter relationship, Lynn!

Lynn claims that Britney lost her virginity at the age of 14 even though Britney always claimed she lost it to Justin Timberlake when they were 20. Lynn also claims her beloved poster-child had in her posession cocaine, all before she could even drive a car. She also mentions how she *encouraged* her underage (and unwed) daughter to sleep with Justin Timberlake while they were "dating." Umm... okay...

So what type of mother actually screws up their child this badly and has the nerve to publish a novel about it? Does she not see that her daughter is already beyond repair? I mean, seriously, Lynn, Britney belongs in the loony house. When Kevin Federline is the most stable parent in your grandchildren's life, I think you have already done enough damage as a mother. If I were her, I would have severely questioned actually writing this book. Not only is it a horrible piece of literature but it is just plain stupid. If I wanted to reaffirm how well I was raised, I would just watch Ali Lohan's new reality show. A book, though, that's a bit much.

I actually feel bad for Britney Spears after reading more about this book, and trust me, that's saying a lot.

Check out People Magazine's article on Lynn Spears' book and her admittance to making "mistakes."